the
tastes of those around me
vs.
Rudeness
I WILL:
§ Mind
my surroundings.
§ Notice
others.
§ Respect
differences.
§ Consider
preferences.
§ Seek
resolution.
Families, consider continuing in your reading of the gospels; if you read Mark
last month, perhaps go to Matthew this month.
It is written especially for the Jewish mind, so you will see many areas
where the Old Testament is used, plus there are many instances of clashes
between the Jewish religious leaders and Jesus. Older children can see how Jesus handled
these areas, especially where he could defer and where he stood for truth. For younger children, you could look for all
the different times and way Jesus helped, since our goal for deference is to
also help others come to Jesus. Deference
may be a hard concept for young children, but most will understand the opposite, rudeness. Deference is learning not to be rude. Remember, throughout the day look for times
to praise for deference, train in deference, or show ways that you needed to
show deference – they are golden teaching moments.
Always
keep in view the goal of Christ-likeness as you build character in your life
and family. How did Jesus, the Son of
God, show deference? Power for True Success defines this quality as putting
the welfare of others ahead of our own personal pleasures.
·
The
agony of Christ in the
·
In
Matthew, the scripture following Gethsemane describes the arrest of Jesus in
the Garden. Peter strikes out with his
sword, severing the ear of the high priest’s servant. What was Jesus’ response in 26:52-54? As God’s Son, He had the freedom to call
legions of angels to his defense, but how did He limit that freedom? Why?
·
Read
Mark
·
Philippians
2:5-11: How was Jesus’ “attitude” one of
deference? Why does deference require
humility? Read verses 1-4, then discuss
these phrases to help Christians show deference: “do nothing
out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,” “in humility consider others better
than yourselves,” “look not only to your
own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
·
Read
together John 17:19: “For their sakes, I sanctify myself, that they also may
be sanctified by the truth.” What does it mean to be
sanctified? (set aside, consecrated for
a special purpose, not common) For whose
sake did Jesus sanctify himself? (see verse 9)
Why did He do it?
As the Lord of the universe and the Son of God who knew no sin, Jesus’ freedom
exceeded any we have on earth, but for the sake of his disciples, he refrained…
1. From doing many things that were
perfectly legitimate for Him.
2. From speaking many words He could
lawfully speak;
3. From many attitudes He could
justifiably have.
4. From many kinds of apparel that could
have been proper.
5. From eating
many foods that would have been acceptable for Him.
Why
would deference be required by Jesus because of His sanctification? What implications does this have for us?
DEFERENCE OR COMPROMISE: It is vital that Christians have a true understanding of the meaning of deference or we will fall into the trap of compromising our convictions to keep from offending others. Deference applies in issues of personal tastes and preferences, but does not apply in issues of Biblical right and wrong. We must defer to tastes and preferences, but hold firmly to convictions. This needs to be kept in balance: on one hand, in the name of tolerance and peace our culture pushes acceptance of anything and everything an individual or society does and in other cases we refuse to budge on things that are only preferences. Christian convictions grow out of scriptural truths and are followed, whatever the cost. Discuss the following implications of convictions:
How are convictions interpreted by the media and modern pluralism (all beliefs are acceptable and carry equal weight, strong convictions are called intolerant and dangerous, etc.)?
“(Pluralism) supporters present democratic pluralism as a harmless and positive framework in which the state remains scrupulously neutral, all movements enjoy an equality of expression, and a multiplicity of values interact with one another.” “Demands by any particular group or idea for favored treatment constitute a violation of democratic courtesy. The fragmentation of values is viewed positively, as simply bringing about greater variety and multiplicity in the world.” (ATI Wisdom Booklet #8)
Hand out half sheets of paper, so each person can write down at least one Christian conviction and one preference to share. Why would it be important to stand on the conviction and defer when needed in an area of preference? (For example, Conviction: abortion is wrong; Preference: singing hymns rather than choruses.) When we stand up staunchly for what in reality are preferences, how can we lose our influence in areas of our convictions?
HONOR: Read Romans
· In our homes, share ways we can show deference to other family members? This can be a challenge; husbands and wives have been raised with different viewpoints and often these can clash even in minor areas. Also, different generations have different preferences. Share areas where your spouse, child, or parent has certain preferences and how we honor the other person, rather than insist on our own freedom (schedule, use of car, TV watching, etc). Often these “minor” differences become major obstacles in relationships. How would deference lead to a happier home? We learn deference in our home, and then can show it in the broader community. Who knows where God will send you – perhaps to another country for His kingdom!
· How can we honor others by showing deference as we extend hospitality?
· In our present world, we come into contact with many different cultures without travelling to other countries. Even though they are in our country, how can we open doors by showing deference? For example, how can we appropriately show deference to Muslims and open doors for Jesus?
AMBASSADORS FOR THE KINGDOM:
Proverbs 22:29 promises that if we and our children are skilled in
our work, we will stand before kings.
Would we know how to act in the presence of a person of high
position? Our goal is to send out
families and individuals throughout the world for Christ, which would involve
include many different cultures. Therefore, it is important for us to train
“world-class Christians." Read II Corinthians 5:20, focusing on our
commission to go into the world as ambassadors.
Who is the kingdom that sends us?
Why are we sent? What clues can
these scriptures tells us about being ambassadors, for example:
v. 11: because we fear God, we try to
persuade people outside His kingdom
v. 14: compelled by Christ’s death on
the cross
v. 15: no longer live for myself, but
for Him (not there on personal business)
v. 16: makes us see people in a
different light
v. 18-19: our job to the kingdom of the
world is reconciliation
v. 20: God is making his appeal through
us to the people of the kingdom of this world
Introduce with this job
description from the Foreign Service website:
Members of the Foreign Service can be sent to any embassy,
consulate, diplomatic mission or office anywhere in the world, at
any time, to serve the diplomatic needs of the United States. The life of a
U.S. Ambassador requires uncommon commitment and some hardships, but
always offers unique rewards and opportunities. In addition to overseeing a
wide variety of services to Americans in other countries, they travel
throughout the country making friends and helping to achieve the goals and to
implement the initiatives of
Ambassadors to foreign countries are official representatives to a different culture. What qualities would you look for in an ambassador? Why would one of the most important be deference? Discuss the definition of deference, emphasizing that you may have freedom in an area, but limiting them opens doors to the lives of others.
Ambassador duties would include three areas that require deference; take each of these areas and discuss the implications for us as Kingdom ambassadors:
1. Make friends for your home country, the US: ambassadors do have extra freedoms under legal immunity, but must be careful to not exercise that freedom and close people to hearing them or having a good opinion of their home country. They cannot do anything they want. Freedom is the ability to do what you ought, not anything you want. How can we make friends in a different culture by limiting our freedom?
Christ’s kingdom ambassadors are also free to do some things, but must limit the freedom in order to not offend others. . In SA, in some churches people would be offended if a woman did not wear a hat or a man preached without a suitcoat, even if it was hot. It is not a matter of right and wrong – Scripturally there was freedom. But to exercise that freedom would have closed ears to the message. Wearing shorts on a Mexican mission trip would have been cooler, but would have offended those we were going to help. “Deference is learning to view things from the other person’s perspective.” Have those who have been on mission trips or travelled to other countries share other areas where deference was needed. How can this also be true with others in our own culture?
2. Represent the values of your own country, staying American: as they relate to citizens and governments of foreign countries, ambassadors must differentiate between the areas where you can do things their way and the areas where you have to maintain loyalty for your own country.
Christians cannot be too identified with a worldly culture or we cease to really be Christian. In areas of clear Scriptural principle, we must always stay Christian. We are representing more than ourselves, we are there to represent Jesus. What are some areas where Christian conviction calls you to not compromise with the world’s ways?
3.
Help citizens from your own country who are
also in the foreign country. When
American citizens have difficulty or are endangered in a foreign country, they
go to the American embassy, where they can get help from the ambassador and his
staff.
When you represent Jesus, you also represent all other members of Christ’s Kingdom? How does limiting our freedom sometimes open doors for other Christians? How can exercising our freedom hurt other Christians? Do our actions in these areas provide help for fellow citizens of Christ’s kingdom?
Encourage the call to be ambassadors for
Christ wherever we go by using this quote:
“There is no country
on earth that is not touched by America, for we have become the motive force
for freedom and democracy in the world. And there is no country in the world
that does not touch us. We are a country of countries with a citizen in our
ranks from every land. We are attached by a thousand cords to the world at
large, to its teeming cities, to its remotest regions, to its oldest
civilizations, to its newest cries for freedom. This means that we have an
interest in every place on this Earth, that we need to
lead, to guide, to help in every country that has a desire to be free, open and
prosperous." -- Colin
L. Powell, Secretary of State
This may be adapted for Christ’s Kingdom
ambassadors: ". . . there is no country on earth that is not
touched by the church, for we have become the motive force for reconciliation
in the world. And there is no country in the world that does not
touch us. We are a country of countries with a citizen in our ranks from every
land. We are attached by a thousand cords to the world at large, to its teeming
cities, to its remotest regions, to its oldest civilizations, to its newest
cries for freedom. This means that we have an interest in every place on this Earth, that we need to lead, to guide, to help in every
country that has a need to know Jesus." -- adapted
“I’M REVIEWING THE SITUATION”: “Deference is anticipating awkward situations and taking precautions to avoid them.” Consider the White House Chief of Protocol; when foreign dignitaries visit, he works long hours ahead of time to know and train others so offenses would not happen. Read Philippians 2:4. Discuss ways we can accomplish this for new people attending our worship service? Our cell meeting? Visiting our home? Often we get used to “our” ways and “our” homes and fail to see details that would put others at ease. Make some concrete plans to implement some of these ideas so we do not offend those whom God brings to us.
GOOD MANNERS: “Good manners are a way of showing deference.” Good manners will open many doors, while rudeness (the opposite of deference) will limit our influence and opportunities to witness for Christ. Hand out cards, each with an example of good manners and share how you show deference to another by acting that way. What freedom are you limiting in order to honor others? For examples, look in an etiquette book. Here are some starters:
§ Open the door for a woman or walk on the street side of the sidewalk.
§ Stand up when an older person enters the room.
§ Say “please” and “thank you.”
§ Wait for everyone to be ready before beginning to eat.
§ Swallow your food before speaking.
§ Pass dishes instead of reaching across other people.
§ Serve guests first.
§ Chew with your mouth closed.
§ Stay at the table after a meal until all are finished.
§ Ask to be excused.
§ Remove your hat in the house or in church.
§ Leave the biggest or last piece of cake for someone else.
§ Let another person go first.
This would be a fun way for parents to train their children in manners throughout the month: have a “manners” bowl or basket with a number of cards or envelopes in it, each with a rule of etiquette written on it. Have them open one a day and talk about it and practice it the rest of the month. Be sure to have sit-down meals with your family often (without TV) as it not only teaches manners, but also gives a great opportunity to communicate. Consider having an “elegant” meal with company where you can practice all the manners you are learning.
YIELD: “Deference is self-sacrificially yielding to others.” Make a large Yield sign comparable to one seen on the roads. Give some instances where it might be used and why it would be important to yield. What happens when a person does not yield? Share some areas where we should yield our freedom at home, on the job, or in public areas.” How would that be “an expression of esteem” for another person? Why is it so hard to yield, “to retreat in order to allow another to have the superior position”? Does it hurt our pride? What are the consequences of pride and rewards of humility in Proverbs 22:4 and 29:23, Luke 18:14, Romans 12:3, James 4:10, I Peter 5:5?
In sessions of the legislature, if one representative wants to talk, the one who has the floor is asked, “Will you yield?” This is also a question that God asks of us in areas where deference is needed to open doors for the gospel.
RESPECT: How does the world’s view of freedom (ability to do as you please) compare with the Christian view of freedom (power and responsibility to do what is right)? How do we get real freedom? Read John 8:32. In the NIV translation of the four gospels, Jesus uses the phrase, “I tell you the truth” 80 times, so truth is important. Paul gives principles about Christians’ use of freedom in Romans 14 and I Corinthians 10:23-33. The best meat in town was being sold at a bargain price and strong Christians felt free to buy it. However, weaker Christians found it an offense because it was eating meat that had been offered to idols in a false religion they had just left. Divide into small discussion groups and have each group read one of these scripture sections and come up with principles that will apply to other areas where we need to show deference (for example: “Having the right to do something does not mean that you must do it.” “Show respect for others by being willing to limit your own rights and freedoms to avoid offense.” Do not seek your own good, but that of others so they can be saved.) Then reconvene to share their findings. This is such an important issue as many families and churches have broken relationships over issues of Christian liberty. Interestingly, in Acts 15, the church leaders sent out a letter to Gentile Christians to help maintain unity between Jewish and Gentile Christians. Four requirements were given and one of them was not eating food sacrificed to idols. Their motivation is found in verse 19: not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. When we lack deference, do we make it more difficult for others to believe?
LIVING EXAMPLES:
·
Abraham:
In Genesis 13, Abraham and
§
Paul:
The great missionary apostle gives a number of life situations of
deference.
1. I Corinthians 9: The purpose for deference
Verses. 1-14: What were his rights as an
apostle? What freedom did he haave? Verses
12, 15-23: How did he show deference in
limiting his freedom? Why? Verses 12 and 19-23: What was his purpose for deference?
Can you think of an area in your life where you have freedom but at times
should limit it in order to advance the gospel?
2. When to defer and when to stand: Two
different situations involved circumcision.
Acts 16:1-5: During his second
missionary journey, Paul enlists Timothy (a half-Jew) to accompany him, but
first has him circumcised. Since this was no longer necessary under
Christ, why did he do it? How is this an example of deference?
In Galatians 2:1-5, however, Paul refuses to have Titus, a Greek, circumcised
when a group that had infiltrated the church demanding that people must follow
the Old Testament law in order to be a Christian. Why did the apostle then stand on his freedom
in Christ, rather than defer to the Judaizers?
3. Acts 21: 17-26: A third instance was during Paul’s last
visit to
§
Hudson Taylor, a 19th Century
pioneer missionary to inland
WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH! (I will seek resolution) As an object lesson, show a rasp and sandpaper and have someone from the group use each one on a block of wood. The rasp tears up the wood, making it rougher, but the sandpaper smoothes the wood. Use this to illustrate how different responses to problems or conflicts can affect the outcome (from Deference bulletin, series 2). When in conflict with others, respond gently and with a helpful attitude to smooth over the problem, rather than making it worse.
Choose one of the following scriptures to guide your discussion:
· Colossians 3:12-17 – what clues are given to help bring peace?
· I Thessalonians 5:12-15—what groups are mentioned? How are we to respond?
· James 3:13-18 -- how can we respond with Godly wisdom?
· I Peter 3:8-12 – how can we be a blessing in conflict situations?
· Hebrews 12:12-16 – how can we experience God’s grace in times of conflict?
· Romans 12:14-21 – what commands here help us live peaceable with all men?
Consider these three scenarios:
§ What is the deferential response when you are the one offended?
§ What is the deferential response when you are a third party to the trouble?
§ What is the deferential response when you are the cause of the offense?
LEARN FROM THE WOLF: Use the wolf as a nature lesson in deference; this animal is a symbol of freedom and independence, but the strength of the pack is in its cohesiveness. His story (with great actions you could use) is told in the elementary Character First curriculum, Series 4, as well as in the online library, www.characterfirst.com. A coloring page of the wolf is also available at these sources as well as on the info table.
Helps developed by Deanna Guy